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In-laws
In India
From India Tribune
Dear Uncle, My in-laws in India dont like me and my
family living here in the USA. I was brought here by my parents
a long time ago when I was a child. My parents live here but my
in-laws and all of their side live in India. All are middle class
and well established in their careers. My husband and I are totally
settled here and have our own small family happy and are living
a comfortable life. Whenever I go to India my in-laws act strange,
they are nice but converse in a double talk manner which irritates
me quite a bit. If I eat with fork its a problem for them,
if I dont eat outside in restaurant thats a problem
too for them and, if I and my kids speak English that too is a problem
for them. Im very caring and loving towards others. I dont
say or do anything to hurt others' feelings. Our being Americans
is a problem for them. Im what I am because I lived in this
country for so long, I cant help it. My perspectives toward
our religion and culture are not any different from theirs. My views
about my religion and culture havent changed in spite of my
living here. I wish they wouldnt treat me differently. I love
India very much, its too far away from me, but I can feel
it in my heart everyday. I dont know how to make them understand
that Im one of them and always will be.
Indo-American Wife
Dear IAW,
You seem to be a caring, sensitive, level-headed, and compassionate
woman. I understand how you feel. It seems like you have to be thick-skinned
and care-free when you deal with your in-laws. It appears that what
you are telling me is just the tip of the ice-berg. There is more
to your in-laws attitude towards you. Since you were in the USA
since your childhood, it is quite natural that your lifestyle is
somewhat American. You and particularly your husband may need to
communicate effectively to your in-laws about the cultural differences
between India and the USA. It is important that you communicate
the love and relationship and have a heart-to-heart talk. Overlook
the differences in behaviors and mannerisms for the sake of unity
in the family. If you cant patch up the strained relationship,
the grandchildren will suffer and they will be deprived of the love
of the grandparents. Since in-laws are not going to change due to
their old age, I suggest you try to change and sacrifice for the
sake of the familys happiness. I admire your love for India
and Indian sentiments and religion. Good luck.
Dr. Bharat Thakkar has advised hundreds of students as well as
youths at BAPS in career development, employment searches, resume
writing, interview training and techniques, career counseling, personal
family issues and concerns, university admission processes, and
also providing references for outstanding students. For any questions,
issues or problems, write to Dear Uncle at dearuncle@indiatribune.com.
Your confidentiality will be maintained.
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